“You’ll never leave where you are until you decide where you rather be.”
As of lately, I have been feeling like I am trying to build my dream house without a blueprint or an architect. I have an idea of what I want but as far as having a cohesive plan and knowledge about how to facilitate it all..that I am lacking. As children, aspirations and dreams are constantly changing. Here at the age of 25, it seems they changed again. But to what, I don’t yet know. I was always the type of person who had to have a plan, a next course of action. Now it seems that clear vision of mine is eluding me.
Life as a traveler is difficult for a myriad of reasons. It breaks my heart to be away from my father, mother, sister, all of my friends. I have such an amazing support system back home, people often wonder why I have stayed away from such a good thing. However, these are the people who know me and wait patiently upon my return; understanding all the while why I have stayed away.
I am searching for something, something I can’t quite put eloquently into words. My family and friends understand that at this point in my life, I just need to run wild. “Wild” is used quite flippantly, as I am not engaging in something society deems as “wild”, but wild in my own way. With every new country I visit, I get hungrier and hungrier; I just can’t satisfy that feeling. I want to see things I’ve never seen before, meet people and interact with different cultures instead of hearing secondhand stories. Countless times I have heard “I wish I was doing what you were doing,” yet I know the truth of the matter. Traveling is deep within your soul or it isn’t. I travel because I want to, because I desire it and want it more than anything. Traveling takes guts. It strips you of your comfort zone and forces you to get to know yourself better. I have learned more about myself in the past two years spent abroad then I have in my many years of studying.
I see students here running around the metaphorical hamster wheel. They study fervently from as young as the age of 2, leading their life nose to book for years to come. They are trained to think that finding a good job and spouse is the end goal with little to no deviation. Time is not allocated to stop, travel the world, and marvel. These are things you simply can’t learn just by reading a book and memorizing it, you have to live it. I’d like to think the younger generation’s minds are changing, but this very specific way of thinking still rules majority.
I’m not trying to turn my nose up in disdain to anyone who does not like to travel because it is all a matter of opinion. For me personally, when I see the world, I feel exhilarated, free, and connected. My hunger is not satiated upon returning from one place; on the contrary, I am scoping out the next place to explore.
Maybe it comes with age and wisdom, but I think my traveling has been an unmistakable factor in getting to know myself better. For the first time in my 25 years, I am in a relationship with myself.
What my future profession will be, my career, all of that is not yet formed. I’m scared out of my mind sometimes that I don’t have those answers, the next course of action is not yet planned. I am teetering at the edge of my comfort zone, yet I trust that’s when the magic will start to happen. You don’t learn a lot when you are content, you learn a lot in difficult or uncomfortable situations. It’s like looking through a window pane on a rainy day…straining to see something in detail yet met with blurred, fleeting images. One of these days, the rain will lift and I will have a clear vision.