Dating in Korea has it’s own set of rules and regulations; the entire courting scene vastly differs from American style dating. Having dated Korean men, I know the foreigner female to Korean male dynamic but I was intrigued by the foreigner male to Korean woman aspect. I cannot speak for any which side, considering I am not a Western looking girl nor am I a Western guy, but these observations were based on consulting with a few of my friends, as well as my observation about things.
So why do Western guys date Korean women??
The answers I received really ran the gamut. Across the board, the first answer was based on the level of attractiveness. Western men found Korean women to be extremely appealing, due largely in part to the fact that Korean women are without reservation, wholly effeminate. Such a high emphasis is placed on the importance of sustaining outward appearances as something to be admired. By dressing stylishly and accessorizing, making regular trips to the hair and nail salon, and keeping their bodies maintained, it shows they aren’t afraid to indulge in themselves. While some guys came to Korea already being partial to Asian women’s features, for many of them, they had never had the inclination nor opportunity to date Korean women in their homeland. I think for many, they find their interest and curiosity growing. Everywhere you look, beautiful Korean girls are in abundance. I remember one friend telling me, “The thing about America is if you walk into a room, normally there are one or two girls that stand out from the rest. In Korea, when you walk into a room, there is no definitive ‘best’, one if prettier than the next.” I had another friend tell me if two girls walked in, one foreigner who was an 8 and a Korean girl who was a 6 or 7, the Korean girl would probably still be hotter.
Speaking about demeanor, Korean girls’ mannerisms can be very cute and there is almost an innocent undertone to it all. Deeply entwined in Korean culture is the ability to demonstrate humility, respect, and kindness. Korean women will not be found front and center on a soapbox, boasting about how great they are, while listing their credentials. On the contrary, they are humble to the point of excess sometimes. If a Korean woman (or man, or child, or ajumma) ever tell you they can’t do something well, be prepared to be blown out of the water when they finally reveal their true talents.
The subject of being docile was also broached. It was said Western girls tended to be emasculating, whereas Korean women were overall happier with a man’s behavior. It was noted Western girls are considered demanding and assertive, women who felt entitled to too much. One male flat out said Western guys were with Western girls because they couldn’t find a hotter Korean girl. It was alluded to…. that a Westerner guy who really cared about himself, would be with a Westerner girl. If a guy was with a Korean girl, all he is looking for is a submissive wife, not one with her own brain (a bit paraphrased but the general gist of the statement).
Speaking about the role of Korean women dating Westerners, I think it is important to include Westerner women as well. Sometimes, I have seen tinges of jealously arise with Westerner girls. So many foreigner guys show interest in Korean women, I think maybe foreigner girls feel a slight competitiveness or bitterness towards Korean girls. There is a limited number in foreigners in Korea, and Korean men are not as eager to date foreigner women, therefore, choices are restricted. It has been an ongoing joke about whether or not a foreigner guy is the type to only exclusively date Koreans.
Playing the Devil’s Advocate, Korean women are not a preference for every Westerner. I have had the pleasure (insert sarcasm) to meet several guys who refused to talk or acknowledge me because I was Korean. They loathed Korean people (which I found incredibly ironic) and continued to carry on conversations around me either expressing their distaste for Korean people or pretended like I wasn’t there. Other friends have dated Korean girls but felt like they were too clingy, crazy, or the language barrier was just too hard. However, I do know of successful marriages that have successfully overcome the obstacles you face when you fuse two cultures together.
I think there is a never ending stigma for foreigner men who do have a preference for dating Korean women. It is assumed he is socially inept, wants an easy lay, has a Napoleon complex, the list goes on. In the end, it all comes down to preference. Some men are with Korean women for the wrong reasons, some have respectable intentions. Whatever the case may be, it is what it is.